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I hate it when you ask a girl out, and she says maybe...


kublah
02-08-2004, 09:18 PM
Seriously, what's up with that? Like she doesn't know whether she'd go out with me or not. I thought this was supposed to stop happening after high school...

If I ask a girl out, I either want to walk away completely elated with new knowledge that I actually might not be such a loser after all, or get totally shot down and suddenly be cast back into the reality of knowing that I'll still be pleasuring myself for an indefinite portion of the upcoming future. Leaving with the same lingering uncertainty that I had before scraping together the guts to ask someone out just blows.

I'm sure someone would tell me that "maybe" means the same thing in the adult world as it did way back when most of us first heard it. As in, "I know I'm never going to go out with you but I'm not quite mature enough to give it to you straight", but I'd like to think that this isn't the case. Foolish?

So now I have to make sure I've still got my cojones in order and do it all over again. Except this time I've got to do all the behind-the-scenes preparation work involved with something like a first date without even knowing if it's going to happen or not. After all, it's not like you can win over uncertainty with a proposition of something really lame and uninteresting. The pressure is stacked up even higher than before, and while what could be gained if all goes well remains the same as before, a little bit more could be lost if it does not.

:banghead: :uhoh: :loser:

Hyatus
02-08-2004, 09:27 PM
I've found that if you become friends with a girl first and meet all of her friends,plus a little paitience(sp) she will usually make the first move :smile: I've never had a girl i ask out say no or maybe :2cents:

P.S. just be honest and funny and they will love you forever :sunglasse

taranaki
02-08-2004, 10:00 PM
Iguess I'm lucky. I only ever had one girl say 'maybe' to me,and I never really had any say 'no'.The downside is that when 'maybe' turned into 'well,o.k. then',that was the last chance I ever had to ask a girl out.She was the first ,last and only girl Iever dated.Makes me feel sometimes that I robbed myself of something.A little bit more uncertainty,and a little bit more rejection, might have just taught me a little bit more about the opposite gender.

zebrathree
02-09-2004, 09:26 AM
Just tell her to fuck off.

I hate indecision.

TexasF355F1
02-09-2004, 11:31 AM
When women say 'maybe' they really mean 'no'. That's their strange but polite way of saying no.

BlaxicanYIIK
02-09-2004, 01:06 PM
I guess you did not have enough money with you at the time. I dunno. I've noticed that there are more and more women who liked to play games and/or godldiggers in some way or fashion.

BP2K2Max
02-09-2004, 01:53 PM
she's just trying to politely say no without hurting your feelings. don't get mad, at least you didn't get laughed at. and at least you have the nerve to initiate the conversation.

Neutrino
02-09-2004, 02:06 PM
I agree "Maybe" is ussualy just a polite "No"


Of course the most common refusals are "I'm too busy." which translates in No and "Some other time." which translates in Never


Actually anything besides "Yes" or "Sure! What time would you pick me up" is a refusal.


IMO the most anoying is when they want you to rechedule. Which is just another "NO!!! but do please waste more time on my account".

SonyMobile
02-09-2004, 07:35 PM
When women say 'maybe' they really mean 'no'. That's their strange but polite way of saying no.

Couldnt have said it better myself, but like other ppl have been saying, If you befriend her first, your less likely to get shot down.

crayzayjay
02-09-2004, 07:46 PM
Never happened to me, but if a girl gave me a lame "maybe", i'd just reply "well if you have to think about it, forget it", turn around and walk away.
If she thinks she's really hurting you by saying no, she'll feel sorry for you. Pity is not a good thing when trying to get a girl. And she doesnt want to be convinced to go out with you (unless it's a close friend or other exceptional circusmtances), you're not trying to be a salesman here. Basically, if you grovel, she'll never go out with you. If you're nonchalant about it and shrug it off, it may have the opposite effect. She may 1) be surprised, and 2) regret the passed opportunity and chase after you. I know, an ex did that to me and it worked like a charm :grinno:
or 3) she's glad you didnt make a big deal out of it, and you dont lose too much pride.

Masta
02-09-2004, 10:15 PM
wow crayzayjay, lol i like that one! i'll try that next time i ask this one girl i like to hangout again.

kublah
02-10-2004, 05:08 AM
Well, I agree with you guys for the most part, as much as I hate to admit it. We met under some kind of strange circumstances and have little to tie us together besides that, so I don't really see myself becoming her friend first and waiting around to see what happens. Pretty much an all or nothing situation. But seeing as I meet very few women that I'm even remotely interested in these days, I think I'd be doing myself a disservice to not at least giving it one more shot. If I hear the "I'm really busy this week" line I'm gone, but it's not like I really have anthing to lose.

I really suck at all this... Maybe I should just get myself a nice Russian mail order bride and be done with it all... None of them have ever said maybe to a dude with a green card around his ring finger and 50 gazillion rubles in the bank...

crayzayjay
02-10-2004, 05:25 AM
No way! Mail order brides are not the way to go!! :eek:

If you're not meeting enough women youre clearly not going to the right places, so make an effort to change where you hang out and you should find more potential partners there.

kublah
02-10-2004, 08:38 PM
:rofl: I know, I was just being stupid...

Jay!
02-10-2004, 09:30 PM
Women can't say 'no.' They'll lead you on and break dates and screw around with you until you get fed up and leave them alone. They'll always say maybe.

These girls aren't interested in you, so don't waste your time. Jay's got the exact right answer here. If she says 'maybe' it means no, so thank her and take off.

TheNotoriousMogg
02-10-2004, 11:52 PM
Plain and simple

maybe = no

boingo82
02-11-2004, 12:10 AM
..
IMO the most anoying is when they want you to rechedule. Which is just another "NO!!! but do please waste more time on my account".


But not always!! The first time my husband asked me out I said yes instantly...then as I was leaving the house the night of my dad asked me where I thought I was going! I was so excited about the date I totally forgot it was my brother's birthday. So I called and rescheduled for the next night (and only 15 minutes before I was supposed to pick him up! I'm horrible). We ended up going out the next night.


My husband told me later that he almost gave up on me because he had heard the "brother's birthday" line before. Lucky for me he gave me another chance. :)

Yes some women are just making excuses, but there are some of us who legitimately forgot about some important occasion because we were so excited about the date!!!

Jay!
02-11-2004, 12:32 AM
I agree with Emily here. She did the right thing. It's totally possible for a woman to have a legitimate excuse, but if she's interested in you, and it's not just an excuse, and she has ANY manners (like you did Emily :)), she'll apologize profusely and demand to reschedule the date.

Of course, chronic rescheduling is a bad sign, so the woman should make sure to check her planner next time. ;)

It's when women cancel dates altogether that they're just stringing you along. Don't ask for a third time if the first two never happened. Why go back for more?

integra818
02-11-2004, 03:06 AM
It's worse if a girl says she's too busy with school. It means she rather sit through the hell of school than go out with you.

Neutrino
02-11-2004, 07:29 AM
I guess you're right there is sometimes, that rare case when the reschedule is based on genuine reasons. Buts itís been my experience that most of the time they either found some other guy with whom they would much rather go with, or they just did not know how to refuse you or felt bad about it the first time and they just worked up the nerve to say no.


Plus I had so many girls complain to me how all these guys that never get a hint to stop asking them out, that I made it my policy to make it as easy as possible for them to refuse me if they don't want to go out. Basically I ask them out as nonchalant as possible and always add at the end "unless of course your too busy" this way they can just pick up the excuse and we can end the discussion in some amicable "some other time" which of course I know means never. And beyond that first time I will not ask again so they won't feel pressured.


Bottom line: I would just feel too bad to have a girl go to the ordeal of a date they did not want so I make it as easy as possible for them to refuse.

crayzayjay
02-11-2004, 08:04 AM
so I make it as easy as possible for them to refuse.
Oh im sure you make it very easy for them to refuse :biggrin2:

Xv7vX
02-11-2004, 12:06 PM
How about this one....


ME) Wana go out for dinner some time?

Girl) Well, i have a boy friend, but we can still go out if you want.


Translation.....


Me) Would you like to date me?

Girl) No, but you can still pay for dinner and buy me stuff.

I have never actually got up and walked away from some one in the middle of a conversation, mid sentance mind you. But that time it just felt right.

I dont have time or patience for things like that, or maybe im not good at talking to women. Either way, its more time with my car.

Neutrino
02-11-2004, 12:30 PM
Oh im sure you make it very easy for them to refuse :biggrin2:

Punk :chair: :twak: :nutkick:









:biggrin:

Jay!
02-11-2004, 02:08 PM
Plus I had so many girls complain to me how all these guys that never get a hint to stop asking them out, that I made it my policy to make it as easy as possible for them to refuse me if they don't want to go out. Basically I ask them out as nonchalant as possible and always add at the end "unless of course your too busy" this way they can just pick up the excuse and we can end the discussion in some amicable "some other time" which of course I know means never. And beyond that first time I will not ask again so they won't feel pressured.

Bottom line: I would just feel too bad to have a girl go to the ordeal of a date they did not want so I make it as easy as possible for them to refuse.You've got it backwards here. You're leaving too many loopholes, and making it look like you doubt that anyone would want to make a date with you. You're sabotaging yourself.

You need to have a clue where you stand before you even ask for a date. You have to pay attention to her degree of interest in you; we already know you're interested in her. You have to watch her behaivior in front of you, while she's talking to you. What she says matters less than how she acts. Watch for any signals of interest, including:
-touching you (even if she makes it look like an accident)
-big smile (not just polite; you'll know the difference)
-prolonged eye contact
-laughing at your dumb jokes
When a woman likes you, she'll give you clues. Not all are the same, but these are some good standard ones...

If you get none of these, then you'll know the answer even before you ask.

Otherwise, you're going to perform a very important test of her interest in you. You will say five words: "What's your home phone number," and nothing more. You will stand silent until she replies, and you'll watch everything she does in those few seconds.

She'll never say "no." One of two things will happen:
-She won't be able to get the words out fast enough. Best case scenario is that she grabs your pen and writes it on your arm, says something like, "You'd better call me," then takes down your home number, too.
or
-She'll give you any number of excuses or substitutions, including, but not limited to: asking for your business card; offering to give you hers; she'll give you her work number, cell number, pager number; something about a boyfriend; etc. This mean's she's not interested.

Even if you get the digits, you have to judge her behaivior in giving them to you. Did she hesitate? If so, there's probably a reason. Women that aren't interested in you don't want you to have their home number.

If you get her number instead of trying to make the date then and there, you gain a degree of power and control in the interaction. Now you both know that you will call her, but now you can do it on your own timeline, not hers. I already wrote that bit in another thread. If you missed it, PM me and I'll give it to you again.

But, the point here is to avoid "maybes." With this you'll weed out a good portion of the women who are only vaugely interested, or are not interested in you, but wouldn't mind a free dinner.

The other part is that when you do ask for a date, don't apologize. Don't do it half-assed. Say, "I want to take you out on a date this Sunday," and you say it like you're choosing her out of your pool of women lined up for the weekend. It's about your confidence here.

Again, PM me if you want more... ;)

Jay!
02-11-2004, 02:17 PM
I have never actually got up and walked away from some one in the middle of a conversation, mid sentance mind you. But that time it just felt right.One quick point here: Do always be polite and try to end any conversation with a woman gracefully. You never know if in the next three minutes, her best friend who is hot and single is going to wander by, and this girl would be in the prime position to introduce you.

Even if not, make her laugh with your last line, so that any other women in the area see you being a 'good time' with her. Then if you see another woman two tables over, she'll have already noticed what a good time you already tend to have with women, and you'll already be that much more interesting for it... ;)

Neutrino
02-11-2004, 06:39 PM
Well Jay I do that because I would really hate to have a girl go out with me when she doesn't want too.


And your advice is very good but unfortunately in my case I'm oblivious to even rather obvious signs. Plus I have a bad habit of playing it too "cool" I basically give no signs and act nonchalant no matter what. Add to that the fact that I like to tease them with the occasional sarcastic remarks (never insulting though) I've got a few girls rather irritated at me.


Ah well what you can do. Guess some people are better at this that others.:dunno:



:icon16:

Jay!
02-11-2004, 07:21 PM
What can you do? Learn from your mistakes. :rolleyes: Wake up!!

What have you gained from being oblivious? Nothing. Perhaps, then, it's time to make a change.


The guy I've learned this stuff from says, "Women don't lie; men don't listen." While women will fail to speak the truth, their actions don't lie. Men then spend all their resources listening to the words and not interpreting the actions. Women won't say, "Hey, I like you," but if they do like you, they'll do what they can to make it easy for you to do the asking.

If a woman isn't interested when you ask her out, you should be able to use the stuff I've written as a guide to see that for what it is. I gave you four specific examples of things a girl might do if she's interested. Don't tell me you're oblivious to the fact a woman is touching you, or that she keeps staring at you with a giant smile and her eyes a-glistening. Read those signs and use them to your advantage.

Maybe you're being too-nochalant and you're coming off as crass or rude, or that you don't care what they have to say. Women like good listeners, and they like to talk about themselves. Ask her questions and shut the hell up and pay attention.

Lay off the sarcasm, unless you're a stand-up comic. Keep any conversation light and positive. Don't talk about stuff that'll give the conversation a negative tone, because when you're talking about heavy crap, you're typically not having fun. When you meet someone, you want them to remember your encounter as pleasantly and as positively as possible.

Look, I'm not trying to break you down just to tell you everything you do is wrong. But really, the whole point of me giving and advice about this at all is to help you see what chronic mistakes you're making. You can weed them out one-by-one if you need to, but all of these behaiviors I've described will help you in the long run, not only with women, but in everything.

Let me help you be better at this. Trust me. If you need more convincing, PM me. ;)

goat_launcher
02-12-2004, 12:03 PM
(Sigh) I have to explain everything :disappoin ...She says "maybe" = no. You slip her roofie = great time :loser:

Dynwolf
02-12-2004, 01:58 PM
Maybe you're being too-nonchalant and you're coming off as crass or rude, or that you don't care what they have to say. Women like good listeners, and they like to talk about themselves. Ask her questions and shut the hell up and pay attention.

Jay,

Some good points in several of your posts. The above is an excellent point - confidence and non-interest are two items many people get confused. You need to seem confident, as was said before, "as if she was priviliged for you to choose her to go out with."

The thing that worked many times for me before (I'm married now) was a tactic that hasn't been mentioned yet in this forum: When you ask someone out, have a DESTINATION and a TIME in mind. Simply saying, "Hey, would you like to go out sometime?" doesn't usually work with more mature women who like their men to have some direction, so to speak.

As a for instance, say, "I'm going to try out this new Thai (Chinese, Italian, French, Armenian - whatever) restaurant over by ..... Why don't you come with me?" (Obvoiusly, you'll need to "steer" your conversation in this direction of restaurants, cooking or food for this to work.) An alternative could be, "I'm heading over to <insert club name here> this Saturday night to check it out - want to come with me?" The whole point is both to seem like you have a plan in mind as to where and when you'll take her out (rather than statements that include the words "somewhere" and/or "sometime".) This simple idea can work wonders if you change NOTHING else about your approach.

The other area is simply to play the "numbers" game to get some confidence. I have a close friend who always used to say, "Every time I ask someone out, I get rejected." After a few questions, I found out he asks someone out an average of 6-7 times per year. Well, if you're not having any luck, try asking more people out - maybe 12, 24, 36. Even people who you're not sure you're completely "smitten" with. I promise you, you'll get dates, and I guarantee you may find someone you like in that group of women you hadn't expected to find.

Now I don't mean to say you should walk up to every woman you see and ask her out, but if you see someone who you find appealing in the slightest, try to strike up a conversation. You'll get better with practice. (I know, it sounds like all the crap you've heard before, and I felt the same way too. That is, until I started making a concerted effort to talk to more women I was attracted to.) If they rejected me, I simply chalked it up to practice.

But hey, what the hell do I know?

JM

Jay!
02-12-2004, 02:29 PM
I agree 110% with Dynwolf (http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=128533). Please, pay attention, boys! This is LITERALLY the stuff I wish I'd known 10 years ago.

Shortbus
02-12-2004, 06:32 PM
Good stuff guys I'm listening. I am starting to do better at the whole talking to girls I'm interested in but seem to choke when it comes to part where I either ask them out or ask for their phone number. I'm not saying I see the right interest signs in every girl I talk to but the ones I do beyond a reasonable doubt see those signs in I guess I would rather them ask me out, and if they don't make some solid move I puss out and move on. Oh well I guess its only been 4 months since my divorce, but I'm really starting to get lonely as shit. Sucks especially when we had accumalted so much together and know all the familiarities are gone. :shrug:

Jay!
02-12-2004, 06:55 PM
Trent (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000681/): You're so money and you don't even know it!

No reason for you to choke, you're just out of practice. With each one, it will get easier.

kublah
02-13-2004, 09:09 PM
Wow, tons of good stuff in this thread...

For whatever it's worth, I never did call that girl again. Questions you already know the answers to need not be asked I guess. And I will never be one of those guys who will endlessly proposition the same woman no matter how many times she shoots him down... I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with the fact that at least I sacked up and asked once, lots of times I don't even get that far. I'll take any learning experience I can get when it comes to this stuff, and the more I get shot down, the easier I find it is to shrug it off.

integra818
02-14-2004, 03:31 AM
"Men only care about sex"...and women only care about money.

CiViC_GIRL
02-14-2004, 01:27 PM
"Men only care about sex"...and women only care about money.

not all women :sly: but ya, in general.. women want men with lots of $$, expensive car, and the list goes on:rolleyes:

CiViC_GIRL
02-14-2004, 01:31 PM
i have used a few "maybe" when guys asked me out especially in high school..:redface: different reasons though. i'm no longer like that ;)

integra818
02-14-2004, 01:53 PM
not all women :sly: but ya, in general.. women want men with lots of $$, expensive car, and the list goes on:rolleyes:

You're right, not all women. There might be 1 or 2 in the world, which is enough to make an exeption.

mustang372004
03-12-2004, 03:17 AM
I've found that if you become friends with a girl first and meet all of her friends,plus a little paitience(sp) she will usually make the first move :smile: I've never had a girl i ask out say no or maybe :2cents:

P.S. just be honest and funny and they will love you forever :sunglasse This is very true thats how I got into my last relationship

Bunta
03-12-2004, 06:13 AM
You know what I hate?

When you ask a girl out, and she says "yes."

And then you wake up.

xviciousx
03-12-2004, 08:54 PM
I've never had a girl i ask out say no or maybe


yeah they usually tell you something like "In your dreams" or just laugh right broh?

:lol:



I'm just fuckin around... please don't kill me :uhoh:

CamaroSSBoy346
03-12-2004, 10:56 PM
If you're nonchalant about it and shrug it off, it may have the opposite effect. She may 1) be surprised, and 2) regret the passed opportunity and chase after you. I know, an ex did that to me and it worked like a charm
or 3) she's glad you didnt make a big deal out of it, and you dont lose too much pride.

heh..reminds me of what a friend did..kinda.. him and his girl went out for a long time, but she wasnt sure if he still liked her, so she said she was breaking up (hoping that he would beg her to stay and whatnot, convincing herself that he really liked her), so my friend was just like "okay..what ever" and they broke up. she ended up crying for almost the whole week..

lotusonwater19
03-13-2004, 01:44 AM
well girls have no choice now...if they arent interested but say

yes: they are a ho.

maybe: confusing and frustrating bitch

no: very stuck up

so no matter how the female breaks it down she is the bad one correct? this upsets me, from now on i'll just say "no. how dare you" since ima look like that bad one no matter what, but thats clear right?

integra818
03-13-2004, 03:53 AM
Some women think they're too good for men. They act like men were born to serve them. I'll serve a glass bottle to the head of the next bitch that turn her head and ignors me after I say hi to her.

kublah
03-13-2004, 04:06 AM
well girls have no choice now...if they arent interested but say
yes: they are a ho.
maybe: confusing and frustrating bitch
no: very stuck up
so no matter how the female breaks it down she is the bad one correct? this upsets me, from now on i'll just say "no. how dare you" since ima look like that bad one no matter what, but thats clear right?

I don't think that's true at all... Saying yes if she's not interested does not make a girl a ho, it means she's spineless and false. You need to do a lot more than have a cup of coffee with someone to be a ho. And simply saying no does not make them stuck up. The only way to make yourself look stuck up or anything else bad is by being rude. This would certainly include "No, how dare you?" If a guy gets shot down with a polite, tactful "No thanks" and still gets upset about it, you are not his problem.

The only thing you had right is the confusing and frustrating bitch part. These women need to learn some conviction...

integra818
03-13-2004, 04:30 AM
well girls have no choice now...if they arent interested but say

yes: they are a ho.




It's shit like this that keeps me up at night. You women are so afraid of what other women think about you. You don't have sex with men as much as you wan't to because other women will call you a slut. And even if they don't find out, it's been stuffed in your head that sleeping around with alot of guys makes you a whore and you feel bad about your self for doing it and therefore don't do it.

sk8olly
03-13-2004, 04:46 AM
it suxz if u dont ask them agen they will never say anything agen

l33tc4k30fd00m
03-13-2004, 05:57 PM
EWWWWWWWWWW!

Girls are icky. I dunno what is wrong with you people. You might get cooties!!

Sigh... Whenever I post I wanna use that loser emoticon... It's so awesome! But I don't need to look like a bigger moron than I already do.

Ah! To Hell with it! :loser:

*rolls on the floor while screaming*

DuckTapeDancer
03-13-2004, 06:39 PM
the only thing i've learned is...women almost never say what they mean...yes means no. no means if you don't, you're in trouble. maybe could mean eithe yes or no, depending on the situation, but ALWAYS means one or the other. you choose means you better know me well enought to know what i would choose, and so on...i really think this guy put it very nicely in his attempt to redeem the male assertiveness in a relationship man's rules (http://leeds.colorado.edu/Faculty/Laguna/funny/men_rules.htm)

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